we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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