Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
