she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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