Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
