If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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