I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
