Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
