it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
