ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
