I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
