How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
