Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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