All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
