why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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