so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
