Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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