Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
