You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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