I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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