I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
