please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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