I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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