I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
