if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
