I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
