So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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