My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
