i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
