Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
