you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
