He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
