I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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