My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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