You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
