it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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