is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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