i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
