My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
