So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
