I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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