I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
