i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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