hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
