I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
