whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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