Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We got so high we made milksteak
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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