I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
