I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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