she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
