I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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