Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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