i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
