I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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