I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
