I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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