belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
