party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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