I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
