you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
