So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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