I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
