I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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