about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.