For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.