Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.