Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic