remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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