I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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