Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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