Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is wine microwaveable?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
