i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
