i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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