just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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