so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
