I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
