You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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