Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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