just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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